Andy Borrowitz has the scoop from god’s phone logs today!
Days after the BBC reported that President George W. Bush claimed God told him to invade Iraq, the Almighty held a rare press conference today to say that He was ‘totally out of the loop’ on the March 2003 invasion.
Reporters packed a meeting room at the Grand Hyatt Hotel in Washington, D.C. to hear the angry denial of the Supreme Being, who had not held a press conference in over half a year.
Dressed in a white robe and sporting his trademark long, flowing beard, God told a reporter that the presidentâ€™s version of events was â€œbogus,â€ adding, â€œDude, I donâ€™t even know the guy.â€
The King of the Universe then showed reporters detailed phone logs from March 2003 revealing that He had no conversations with President Bush, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, or anyone else involved in the decision to invade Iraq.
While the logs showed no conversation with the president, they did indicate that on March 24 of that year God placed a call to actress Nicole Kidman to congratulate her on winning the Best Actress Oscar for her performance in â€œThe Hours.â€
In what some saw as a particularly sarcastic rebuke of the president, God offered this possible explanation of Mr. Bushâ€™s claim that He had told him to invade Iraq: â€œMaybe he has me confused with Dick Cheney.â€
Elsewhere, the Department of Homeland Security said that the recent terror threat to New York City was â€œspecific but non-credible,â€ and that so was the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.